Wednesday, July 18, 2018

a letter to my last baby

To my last baby on the eve of your first birthday:

Tonight as I gave you your last bottle, I can't help but reflect on this last trip around the sun.  This was the longest and shortest year of my life. I barely remember bringing you home from the hospital and remembering life before that is so hazy.  It's only at night as I put you to bed that I get glimpses of my once tiny baby. Every day you're less and less a baby and more and more a little boy and while I am so excited for each new milestone, my heart yearns for the baby to stay a little bit longer.

It goes by too fast.

Tomorrow, by definition, you will no longer be a baby.  You will officially be a toddler.  You seem so ready for this next part in your story and I am trying to be there with you.  You are so adventurous and wild. I feel like I am constantly going behind you and cleaning up the destruction left in your wake. You are lucky that you are so dang cute because you are definitely a little trouble maker.  You are so strong and you climb everything you can and have no problem moving things that are in your way. You are so close to walking and I feel like in a blink of an eye you will be running.    

It goes by too fast. 

Oh my sweet boy, you have filled places in my heart that I thought your sister already had. But that's the thing with a mother's love - it knows no end and my heart is so full of love for both of you. Ours is not a complete family without you. You are a wondrous endpoint to our family with your toothy grin, perfect giggle and sweet soul.

And tonight, as if you knew my heart was heavy, you said Mama. Clear as day, you called for mama. So while I am so sad that I put a baby to bed for the last time tonight, I am so excited to wake you up tomorrow morning and hear my toddler say mama.

So on the eve of your first birthday, I want you to know this: I will love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I am living my baby you will be. I love you, Everett Grey, more than I could ever truly put into words.