Wednesday, June 28, 2017

a letter to my husband

The last year of our lives has been utterly insane - between B's near death experience, my car accident and getting pregnant, I feel like life has been moving at warp speed. I have done so much reflecting during this pregnancy about our lives and our future. It's alarming how hyper-aware and overly sensitive you become during pregnancy. Thanks hormones. So on that note... I wanted to take the time to put some of my thoughts into words in a letter to my husband before we enter the next chapter of this journey.


What a year, Mr. Wilkinson. It hasn't been an easy one and we have been through hell but I cannot imagine doing this with anyone else. 

As we wait for the arrival of our last child, I can't help but to reflect on you as a father. Parenting changed our lives, that's a no-brainer. It is completely undeniable. Sometimes I miss the time when it was just us. The freedom that came with wine and cheese for dinner, all day tv or movie marathons and no one's little life (or stomach) depending on us. But I have so much more than that now. I have the sight of you getting your nails done in the softest shade of pink because it makes our daughter so elated to paint Daddy's nails. I have the feel of your hand on my large belly as you talk to our son. I have the sounds of your bedtime conversations with Natalie. I have an even deeper respect for your patience and dedication to our family.  You have handled the emotional roller coaster that is having a pregnant, hormonal, sleep deprived wife as if it's no big deal. You are a rock when I am quicksand. 

Our journey to becoming parents wasn't an easy one and I am so thankful that you never gave up on our dream. I am so thankful for so many of the things, big and little, that you do for me, for us and for our family every day. I want to thank you for taking out the trash and recycling every week because I don't even know what days they go out on. I want to thank you for every diaper you willingly changed for Natalie and all of the ones you'll be changing when Everett arrives. I want to thank you for showing our daughter how a true gentleman treats a lady. I want to thank you for always treating me like a lady, for always kissing me good morning and good night and telling me you love me. I want to thank you for our neighborhood walks, even though you know they will always end at Mr. Mike's so you can buy us ice cream. I want to thank you for always listening to me and loving me, even when I make it difficult. I want to thank you for still seeing me and looking at me 10 years and (almost) two babies later the same way you did that night at the pub even though I barely recognize the body I am in now. I want to thank you for always being my safe place, our safe place.

Every day you show selflessness and dedication to your family, to being a good husband, a good father, a provider. You have always been more than willing to sacrifice so much for us.  Please know that I see all of those big things and little things that you do for us.  You are the glue that holds us together. Do you know how lucky Natalie is to have a father like you? A man who is loving and patient, strong but gentle. I pray she is lucky enough to marry someone as wonderful as you. Do you know how lucky Everett will be to have a father and role model like you? Someone who is equally stern and fun, silly and serious. I have watched you grow as a #girldad and I am so excited to see how different, but special, your relationship will be with our son.  Do you know how fortunate I am to be married to someone as undeniably supportive, loving and devoted as you? Please know, I work every day not to take that for granted.

B, I am so lucky to do this life with you and I cannot wait to continue to watch you grow as a husband and a father. You amaze me, every day. Thank you for being an incredible father to our (not so) little girl and, soon enough, our little boy. Thank you for fighting for us, for our marriage.  Thank you for choosing every day to do this journey with me. I love you more than I will ever truly be able to put into words.