Friday, May 9, 2014

Done feeling Frumpy Dumpy

It has been almost six months and thirty-five pounds since the little miss graced the world with her presence.  That's right - I have lost all but ONE pound of the baby weight. Woot!  However, my pre-pregnancy clothes - they still don't fit right.  Yea, my jeans button most of the time, but they sure don't fit the same and seriously do not look good.  I have childbearing hips and a post-baby booty. Two things that I surprisingly cherish because, after our journey to have Natalie, I realize that not everyone gets to have those things.  

It's been a weird mental struggle though.  I cherish the fact that I have childbearing hips which helped me through a flawless delivery but I feel frumpy dumpy being stuck in my maternity clothes because I don't like the way my pre-pregnancy clothes fit and feel.  I hold onto my pre-pregnancy jeans because what if one day my hips and booty decide to shrink just that little bit and I can get my jeans to button and fit the way they once did.  Every weekend I pull them out of the closet and I put them on and I feel bad about myself. I look in the mirror and see a body quite similar to the one I had before I had Natalie, but when I put on some of my pre-pregnancy clothes I sure don't feel the same as I did before I had Natalie.  Before I put on those jeans, I feel great and positive.  After, I feel deflated and sad.  That's absolutely no way to live.  As I mentioned in a post about body image before, I don't want to teach my child those feelings.

My husband tells me all the time that I look damn good.  Why not start believing him?  I cannot show my daughter how to be a strong, self-confident woman if I am not one. I have made the decision to stop feeling frumpy dumpy and start feeling good about myself.  I started the transition by going through my closet and getting rid of things.  Five pairs of jeans, two skirts, tons of shirts, sweaters and a few dresses later - my closet is fairly empty.  And I love it.  I feel so liberated.  While the pile below may not seem like a lot, you can barely see our 100lb pit bull behind it so that puts into scale just how big this pile of clothes really is.  The clothes are all in great condition and will be donated to charity which also makes me feel pretty darn good.  

The next step is to buy staples that I can dress up or dress down.  I have started a board on Pinterest to help inspire me and to give myself visuals of what I am trying to accomplish. A lot of the items I want are used in several different outfits.  The thing is, I don't ever want to feel frumpy dumpy again.  I want to wear heels to work again - something I haven't really done since I worked at Girl Scouts.  I want to wear tops that I can dress up for work and then change into jeans and wear around town with my family on weekends.  I want to wear patterned shoes and not think twice about it.  I want to dress like a mom that has it together because damn it, I do have it together.  I want to dress how I feel because I feel pretty dang fabulous and that's how I want Natalie to see me.  

Whoa caffeine fueled rant... maybe I shouldn't drink so much coffee in the morning.  I guess my point is, I am done feeling bad about my body after growing a human and I am excited to start really feeling like myself again and seeing myself the way my husband sees me. Let's see how this goes :)