Monday, March 4, 2013

Holy Scatterbrain, Batman

I will start this with an apology - my brain is all over the place these days. 

As I am sure you have gathered, these posts are written in the past and saved and then posted when I am ready to post them.  Obviously, my entire blog is not that way - just my infertility posts.  I try to post them with regularity, but sometimes it's hard.  Sometimes this whole thing is just hard to go through and I just am not sure that I can go through this publically in real time.  I really admire the women who can do that.  Shady Grove Fertility's facebook page has tons of them.  Their bravery inspires me.  I am very open about what is happening and will gladly talk about it.  I hate that infertility is such a taboo topic and I want that to change.  I want people (my people haha) to feel like they can be open with this experience.  Maybe then people wouldn't try to just give so much unsolicited advice.  Seriously - if I have to hear "just give it time" one more time, I might snap. 

That being said, today I am going to ramble about birth control pills.  Generally, when a patient starts an IVF cycle the first step is oral contraceptive pills (OCPs), unless contraindicated (aka a patient really for some medical reason cannot use birth control pills).  Some patients only need 14 days of pills.  Sometimes, in cases like mine, the physician likes the patient to take a full 21 days of pills.  When I say “in cases like mine”, I mean cycles in which the patient has ovarian cysts that we need to wait out. There is that stupid word again, wait.  Seriously - the waiting part, sucks.  This whole process has so much waiting.

I started the OCPs on January 18th.  I am not even two weeks into pills and today three different co-workers asked me about how my injections are going.  I had to tell them that I haven’t even finished the pills.  Not one of them could believe I was still on pills.  Sometimes, I can’t even believe I am still on the pills.  I am so eager to get this cycle over with, that I feel like I have been on the OCPs for like 6 weeks.  I am sure that it feels that way because of the cancelled cycle, but still, after a week of being on the pills, I was over it.  Now I have done two weeks (well, on Thursday it will be two weeks) and I still have another week (and two days) to go.  Woof.

This whole IVF thing reminds me of the process when Brandon and I bought our house.  There is a whole lot of hurry up and wait.  I am good with the hurry up part, but not so good with the waiting part.  When I was talking to my dad about my treatment (I know, the poor man has to hear way more than he wants to) he asked why I would have to take birth control pills if I was trying to get pregnant.  The answer is simple.  Before starting stimulation of the ovaries, we want to make sure things are nice and quiet.  The birth control helps to quiet down the ovaries and gets everything back to baseline.  It’s easier to start a cycle at the baseline, than it is to start when hormones are out of whack.  I gotta tell you, my hormones might not be all out of whack, but I am flirting with the line between sane and crazy.

Sometimes I wonder which would last longer... the next 10 days of pills or an everlasting gobstopper (you can just suck it and suck it and it will never get smaller. Great for kids with little pocket change)...