Thursday, June 17, 2010

Revised for the 90s

My friend Katie is a professional at finding things at thrift stores, used book stores, garage sales, estate sales, etc.  For example, Katie found this awesome NRA shirt for Brandon and he loves it - wears it all the time.  Another golden find of Katie's is a gift she gave me -- half serious, half jokingly -- that I have come to love.  It is "The Working Woman's Wedding Planner" by Susan Tatsui-D'arcy, a revised for the 90s self-improvement book.  It really should be considered a classic.

The Wedding Bible, as I affectionately refer to it, opens with a wonderful Introduction: "Congratulations, Bride-to-be! You are probably feeling excited and nervous as well as the whole gamut of tumultuous emotions that brides have felt for centuries.  However, unlike most of the women who have stepped up to the altar before you, you don't have weeks of uninterrupted time to plan your wedding leisurely."   Obviously, she and I have never met.

I can't say that I use it as much as one would think I would, as a working woman and all, but occasionally I enjoy opening it up for a laugh.  In the budgeting section I am told to "use your phone book's yellow pages and call several businesses under each budget item".  Thank you Google. Thank you  You have taken away that step of the wedding planning process and put everyone's websites in an accessible location and, thank you, for putting the ones I want on the top of the Google search results page.  Thank you for saving me the embarrassment of calling establishments and not knowing what to ask them and then spending entirely too long on the phone with them talking about my fears and concerns.  And I want to thank the aforementioned establishments for having all of the information spelled out on their websites so that even clueless little girls like me might be able to plan a wedding without the anxiety of calling places.

There are a few gems from the Working Woman's Wedding Planner that I would like to share with everyone.  Please note, these quotes do not age the book.  However, there are plenty of those types of quotes throughout the over 250 pages of helpful hints and planning tips.
  • You want retailers to know they're talking to a woman who knows the market and can't be fooled or tricked into buying more than she needs or paying more than is necessary.

Really? It's my wedding not my birthday party.  I only plan to have one of these, so really, I don't know that I believe there is such a thing as "more than she needs".
  • The bachelor party can be hosted at a friend's house or at a popular bar.  Everyone traditionally toasts the bride.  Some go as far as breaking the glass so that it never be used for a less worthy cause.
If said breaking of the glass happens at a "popular bar" that party will probably move on fairly quickly.  I don't think the "popular bar" will take too kindly to a bunch of rowdy Philly boys breaking their glassware.  Just a thought.  Yes, I think it would be the Philly boys who would break something -- so what?
  • The groom's cake is cut and placed into tiny boxes and given to the guests to take home.  You can also seal the groom's cake in a tin with brandy, freeze it and eat it for your anniversary.
"You just came to our wedding, got us a wonderful gift, so please, I insist you take a piece of Brandon's half melted ice cream cake home with you... What's that?  You want the bread maker back? Fine, don't take the cake, but please let me keep the bread makerrrr"
  • After your big day, you may want to have a breakfast or brunch with a few people.  It's a nice way to thank those special people for helping with the wedding or thanking guests for traveling a long distance to help celebrate your marriage... If you know you'll be up very late and if you think you'll be drinking more than you should, plan this brunch for early afternoon.
It's like she knows me -- she really knows me!  Thank you Susan Tatsui-D'arcy for this wonderful piece of literature; now can you please make an updated version for the 21st century?