Monday, March 29, 2010

Wedding Nightmare #1

Last night I had what I hope is not the first of many wedding nightmares.   "Poor baby" you're thinking, "what happened?" you're wondering.  What happened? What didn't happen is a better question!

So the first thing I remember is being at the church and getting ready to walk down the aisle-- the next thing I remember is Michelle's boyfriend TJ carrying me out of the church... because that's normal.  Apparently after the I do's, Brandon walked right on out of the church leaving me behind.  Classy.  Next I remember seeing my wedding band -- or lack there of.  I had a thick wedding band that was clearly missing diamonds.  In fact, I was wearing three(?) rings and they were all missing their diamonds.  Then it was time for the reception.  Here is where the ish hit the fan.

First I couldn't find the bridal party in order to get everyone into the reception to be announced.  I found a friend of mine (who for the sake of this blog will remain nameless - you'll understand why in a moment) who I guess in my dream was a bridesmaid, but who is in real life is not part of my wedding party, and she had already changed out of her bridesmaid dress.  I was very upset about this.  I mean the wedding had just ended and we hadn't even made our entrance into the reception!  How could she already be changing out of her dress and into a new one? Who thinks this is socially acceptable behavior at my wedding? This is why she isn't in the real wedding... just kidding :)

Then when I was in the reception (still looking for my MIA husband) -- the hall looked nothing like it does in real life.  Obviously this upset me, but I didn't have time to cry about it since I was on a recon mission to find my wedding party and get them to enter into the reception correctly with their names announced and everything.  People were upset because the bar wasn't giving them free drinks.  Not even my father.  Who was creating a scene about how he is paying for the reception and he will drink whatever he wants for free since he paid for open bar.  I asked for a coors light draft (because, let's be serious, I needed it) and they charged me $2.  Excuse me, Mr. Bartender, I am in a wedding dress -- where do you think I am holding my money?  So I left the beer and continued my search.

The search that brought me to DJ Vinny. Oh DJ Vinny - please save the day!  Nope.  DJ Vinny was actually not even DJ Vinny -- it was a stand-in since DJ Vinny was playing softball.  Stand-In DJ Vinny wasn't even playing anything that was on the list.  He wasn't even really playing anything at all.  What list?  You mean DJ Vinny didn't give you the list that is required to be submitted at least two weeks before the wedding.  I know I made the list.  I remember filling out the little questionnaire with everyone's names on it, the wedding party order, the agenda for the reception, the songs for father/daughter dance, mother/son dance and our first dance as husband and wife (if I ever find my husband).  I asked Brandon... Oh My God.  Did Brandon not mail in the list?  Of course not.  Please just play Oldies during the cocktail hour and the meal.  Oldies?  Really?  What an interesting selection Victoria...

Mom! Dad! Why are you leaving the reception? It hasn't even really started yet.  Oh, you have to help Jessica move?  On my wedding day?  You mean she couldn't have picked another day to do that?  My wedding day has been the same day for over a year and a half.  Why does she have to be moved today?  Oh, ok.  You go take care of that.

I gave up. I just wanted to go home and cry.  After all, it's my party and I will cry if I want to.  So I left the reception to go home... where I found Brandon and his friends playing drunk wiffleball in the backyard while eating ice cream cake and pigs-in-a-blanket.

I hope Hadley is right.  I hope that I am getting my wedding nightmares out of the way early...